I thought I would post a little bit of book two of the Coffee and Emeralds series and share more of the story of Jo and Sarah.
Now that Jo is gone, I’m distraught that she left. I’m mad at her for leaving, I’m feeling guilty for making her go, and I’m absolutely positive that she doesn’t love me anymore. My mind is racing. Suddenly my chest feels heavy, my heart is pounding, and I can’t breathe. I call out for my mom, and she comes running. At the hospital, I am told that I had a panic attack. As I come to grips with that my mom is reaching for her phone.
“No! Don’t you dare call her. Let her be, mom. She doesn’t need to know about this. Let her have her Christmas in Portland!” I yell at her.
“Sarah, she needs to know about this. She’s your wife. She loves you.”
“No, she doesn’t need to know. She doesn’t love me any more mom. I’m not the same person she fell in love with. I don’t deserve her. I’m mad at her all the time, and I don’t even know why. That’s why I sent her away. That’s why I’m going to ask her to move back to the house without me.”
“What are you talking about, Sarah?” She’s crying.
“Mom, I want to be alone right now, please,” I say. She leaves the hospital room, and I pull the sheet and a blanket over my head and start crying. I cry for a long time. It’s the first time I’ve cried in weeks, and it feels damn good to release all these feelings.
I’m sitting on the couch, and Lori has her arm around me. Trevor is in putting the baby to bed. “What are you going to do, Jo?” she asks.
“I don’t know. I feel like she’s pushing me away. My therapist says that happens sometimes. She keeps telling me to hang in there, but it’s getting harder and harder. I don’t think Sarah can even stand to be in the same room with me anymore. Most nights I end up sleeping on the couch. I get up early and go back into the bedroom, so Karen doesn’t see me. She’s just as emotionally spent as I am, but at least Sarah isn’t pushing her away,” I say.
“Karen knows, Jo. We Skyped with her a few days before you got here. She’s really worried about you. So are we. You’ve lost weight since I saw you last, and you barely eat.”
“You Skyped with Karen?” I say.
“Yes, she wanted to see the baby and wanted to fill us in on you and Sarah. You two have barely spoken on the phone since you’ve been here. I never thought that would happen. How are you doing though, Jo? I know how traumatic that was for me, I can’t imagine how it was for you to see Sarah attacked like that,” she says.
“I’m still having nightmares, but not as often as I used to. Even talking about it raises my heart rate and makes me anxious. One day at a time, you know,” I say.
“You need to eat and take better care of yourself. You do this shit when you get depressed. I love you girl. You know that right? I think you two will get through this. She just needs more time,” she says.
“I know. I’m trying really hard to give it to her,” I say.
Trevor comes up behind me and puts both his hands on my shoulder and kisses the top of my head. “The little lady is sleeping. How are my other ladies doing?” he says. I start crying, and both of them are there, holding on to me.
Book two, tentatively titled “Crimson and Amber” takes us through the struggles of a comitted relationship, a wedding, a traumatic event and the emotional rollercoaster following it. Will Jo and Sarah’s relationship survive? How will they navigate through the pain? Will they be able to come together as a couple and start the healing process?
Have you read book one yet? It’s called Into the Emerald and you can find it on Amazon, Audible and iTunes. Click the appropriate link below:
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